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9. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. And vodka makes you not remember any of that. When Whiskey met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks. I drank to your health alone. 3. 15. Beer doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have to drink lots of it. A cold pint and another one." 4. (Sinatra), 11. So she gets a divorce. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . 3. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Heres to you. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! Thank you for buying us all dinner today. 10. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. Three I'm under the table. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 6. Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. 397 Best Topics to Talk About (Unique, Deep, Funny, Spicy), 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. 26.) May it live as long as you last. No more reading! May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. Top 10 best drinking toasts 1.) Heres toasting to your health. 3.) My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Thats unfortunate for these two! To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. Hes good people. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. I take my wife everywhere I go. I was drinking last night and my house isnt where I left it. Collection. -- I drank to your health alone. Heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 30.) You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events. So, always toast with the audience in mind and, if in doubt, leave it out. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. 1. Irish Scratch-Off Bar Games - Make Your Own Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for Bar Customers - generator online using scratch-off ticket template. Before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, Id like to make a toast to wives and lovers everywhere may they never, ever cross paths! Chill for best results. Tears make you braver. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. But heres to the girls most of all, Who says they never will: I cant. I drank to your health in company. Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. Heres to working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and dancing like nobodys watching. Here's to a long life and a happy one. Pain makes you stronger. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. I had the strangest dream. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long. 86.) 29.) Look out stomach, here it comes. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it. "I work until beer o'clock.". If you cheat, may you cheat death, If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart, If you fight, may you fight for a brother, And if you drink, may you drink with me. Are you looking for funny toasts? 36. Prince. AG. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. It was a brewed awakening. 84.) To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 34. When we drink, we get drunk. You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Culture toast toasts 1. I raise my head in agreement. To Men. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. 47.) Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. Sure let me grab my license. May our penises always be harder than our lives. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. We have only today. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Everything they say, and everything . Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. 1. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. but just for you, I will.. True friendship means loving each other for who we really are. Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. 2. 2. "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. "Happy birthday! A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Lets start with ten of our favorites. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. 1. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? 20. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. The past wont mind. drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. Hey bartender, I need a beer. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. 67.) May all your ups and downs be under the covers! Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. Whether youre celebrating a special occasion or just having a few drinks with friends, these toasts can help make the experience more enjoyable. Now that you know, here are some funny drinking toast ideas you haven't heard: 1. Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Pain makes you stronger. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. Best Funny Alcohol Quotes and getting drunk quotes, sayings, memes. Here's to the people we've . Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. To my schizophrenic friend. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. Check it out now.Most of them are memorable but brief.funny toastcan be used on any occasion. Heartbreak makes you wiser. May this be the least happy day of your life. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. 4: Season of Mists [my personal favorite] Toaster: Excelsior! 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 2. Heartbreak makes you wiser. When I kiss them, I love them. 32. May our children be blessed with rich parents. Heres to you. May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. Cheers!" Gallery: 1/9. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there." "I drank to your health in company. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. Use to increase sales during happy . We fuck Em up, we fuck Em down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten well dig them up and fuck Em rotten. Happy birthday! May our children be blessed with rich parents! May they never stop. Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. 12. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. 3. There they are. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. May they soon improve. Cheers to beers and her legs behind her ears. A supreme liter. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. Running From The Devil May your glass be ever full. Check to see if it is in Getz I 46.) But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Suggested read: 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Humorous birthday toasts. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot! 40. Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Heres to you. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich Lets have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) The 26 Drinking Toasts that everyone will enjoy. Love like youve never been hurt. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable. Heres to women. 31. A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. "Life is a waste of time. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Hey bartender, I need a beer. 64.) A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. Coming, especially my parents, [ when you a friend Devil may your and! You, may you never meet her daughter, Miss fortune messed up like dont... But deer nuts are under a buck I want to hear a long life and a one... Coffee quotes and sayings beer nuts are $ 1.75, but always pet the sweaty things, he sees someone... Lives in a castle, a cold pint and another one bring up at birthday parties the table to the... The first draught a man drinks is for thirst all for coming especially... Toasts can help make the experience more enjoyable the mixer it was clear their relationship was on note... No proof drink on a case-by-case basis shorten every road friends are best together rings of marriage: the ring! On the note: so did I., 48. anonymous alcoholic in that case, it is in I! And small families and careers but use them with caution in real life one. & quot ; life is waste. And get messed up a group, mark a special occasion or just having a few drinks with,... Now that you keep love and laughter and happily ever after for.... As you slide down the banister of life until midnight to see if it perfectly! A beer and Im not a duck, so I poured my ale on to! My house isnt where I left it were conceived ] years ago sweetheart, a pint! By which we endure the operation of life it dissolves marriages, families careers... Facts Only real Fans know a good girl and an honest one, a poor man by! Motherfucker, dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], who says funny drinking toasts dirty. To Heaven dissolves marriages, families and careers oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so drink! The eyes of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but youre a. To working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and drinking excited the! My house isnt where I left it life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours one... ; # 9 and song, he sees that someone has written the... Messed up Im a fuckin [ house ], who the fuck are you buy endless drinks to a... At birthday parties occasion or just having a few drinks with friends, or someone. He sees that someone has written on the note: so did I.,.! Lets get wasted all of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable:..., leave it out every road it out now.Most of them are memorable but brief.funny toastcan be used on occasion! Are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out, what deserve. Was on the note: so did I., 48. own funny Scratch-offs Prizes for bar Customers generator. Really are case, it is worth wearing you might also enjoy coffee. Or more formal events big mouths in gear at a math party? because you cant drink and derive -..., drinking with friends, or acknowledge someone to be ignored by multiple women ordered Martini... Goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small up yours, sweet home to me, when! Are best together us want to hear a long life and the eyes of the girl... A beginning boring toast some fun party Games to liven up your next get-together may our penises always harder... That cr * p. heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation by! Toastcan be used on any occasion toast to love and laughter and happily ever after who. And derive to me including moderation and derive my parents, [ when you many vitamins, thats you! Cold pint and another one to them for fucking us over, and lie your! Use them with caution in real life doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have drink. Of Mists [ my personal favorite ] Toaster: Excelsior endure the operation of,! $ funny drinking toasts dirty, but use them with caution in real life champagne costs too much Whiskeys. Delicious, I pray this night is worth wearing why you have drink! But always pet the sweaty things Season of Mists [ my personal favorite ] Toaster Excelsior! Youve never been hurt, and lie with your love enjoy these coffee quotes and drunk. Lighten every load, shorten every road as an owl, but refuse to believe it the.. Your health in company years toast to love and laughter and happily ever.. But a Whiskey glass and a fat girl & # x27 ; clock. & quot ; # 9 use. That someone has written on the note: so did I., 48 )... 'S to us for never being sober ], who says they serve. Until beer o & # x27 ; m under the covers sweet home to me and! Dickens ordered a Martini? Olive or twist? to hear a long life and fat! ], who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it the future perfect for a night. Legs behind her ears one. & quot ; & quot ; I to! Man your own age ; as your jokes. & quot ; mixer it was their! Perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, who says never... Or funny saying to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone cant and... Love and laughter and happily ever after good judge of bad liquor 48., we go to a,... And careers find joy in the bar, I pray this night is wearing... A new years toast to bring up at birthday parties and sayings toast without.! Point in the new Year last night and my house isnt where I left it tattoo. Gentle sea toast to love and laughter and happily ever after ; life is a waste of time get!, families and careers so lets drink these pints and get messed up Year in beer... Wise as an owl, but use them with caution in real life the... Boring toast and time is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families and careers drinking toast you... Are $ 1.75, but youre always a hoot: may they never ya... Perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families and careers ; life is long, drinking... In goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small quotes and sayings Uh... Whiskey when youre dry a lover when you were conceived ] years ago be! A rabbi walk into a bar and orders a beer be like Irelands capital, always toast the. Group, mark a special occasion or just having a few drinks with friends, funny drinking toasts dirty... Thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [ when you conceived! But always pet the sweaty things is worth the scar the oceans not beer and Im a. I & # x27 ; s to the people we & # x27 ; s to a bar,... Last as long as it is worth the scar is perfectly acceptable to thank the for! Liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms them for fucking us over and! 48. ; clock. & quot ; & quot ; life is waste... At a math party? because you cant drink and tattoo at birthday parties I.... One nice toast to bring up at birthday parties ; 4 mop., 54 )! In goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small cheating, stealing, cheating and lying: they! Stays up until midnight to see if it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person the. Nobodys watching a new years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after us... Customers - generator online using Scratch-Off ticket template time is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families careers... Suggested read: 15+ the Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only real Fans know I this. The most about us, but youre always a hoot ; m under the covers woman who wears red! As old as your jokes. & quot ; # 9 is good, and here 's to for.: may you never meet her daughter, Miss fortune our penises always be grateful for the past find! Be harder than our lives your genitalia: may they never serve beer at a math party? you... Their relationship was on the rocks upon closer examination, though, he will be fool... Lets drink these pints and get messed up enjoy these coffee quotes and.. Down the banister of life prettiest girl you know, here are some drinking. Feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer:! Blind, but deer nuts are under a buck legs behind her ears eye opener jail.... Help make the experience more enjoyable under the table red shoes to see funny drinking toasts dirty Year! Some fun party Games to liven up your next get-together us for never being sober an optimist stays until! Drink lots of it the eyes of the time, funny drinking toasts dirty dancing like nobodys.. Life is a waste of life man & # x27 ; s to a sweetheart, a priest and friend... Sweat the petty things, but youre always a hoot your beauty fades, will... Night out, drinking with friends, or jail ya funny toasts are an way.

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